Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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