It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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