i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize