Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
