we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My bed smells like the plague
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
