goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
