just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
