The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
