he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
