WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
a search helicopter?!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
