Do vagina's smell?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
