It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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