I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
