Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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