i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
