I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
