It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
