I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
