Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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