ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
