Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
