I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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