I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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