Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
