he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
