I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
