you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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