You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Floor bacon is actually really good
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
