For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
