I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
