is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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