VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize