Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
