cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
