Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
