Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
