So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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