I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
