i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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