Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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