I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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