Your tits are I can't wait for
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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