New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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