Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
