I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Alive.
So much puke
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
