Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
