Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
