I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
