And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
