We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The beer is more important than you right now.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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