Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize