and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize