What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have feelings that need drinking.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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