Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I look better un-naked...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
