Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
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