your parents love me but you hate me
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I enjoy the company of your penis
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
