I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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