You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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