I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dignity is for republicans.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
