they need to just BURY HIM!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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