My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize