bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
