My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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