her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
