when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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