Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
