Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wish I only lived at night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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