i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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