Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize