you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize