Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
