dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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