Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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