you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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