I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
