fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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