and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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